You just made me feel so damn special
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
