can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
