FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I believe in your delicious
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize