You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
