Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
