i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
