i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
