things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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