Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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