it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
