How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
