I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I accidentally had phone sex last night
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
