this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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