you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
