sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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