there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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