you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
