I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
