I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
