I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
