normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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