he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
