i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
