I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
