Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
