it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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