Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
and you fell through a lawn chair
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
