Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize