I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
