is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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