Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
