Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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