the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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