you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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