you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drake has all the answers
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
