My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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