Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
