I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize