all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
