a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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