He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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