It's like a parade of train wrecks.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
