...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
