After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm too high and old for this...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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