OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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