First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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