I want to make a zoo with you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
