im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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