Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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