is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
