I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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