You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize