I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
