its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Come see our sink grown plant.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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