Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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