We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i will never coherently bang her
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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