3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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