omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
