So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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