The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
