The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
