I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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