I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This house was built for laser tag.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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