Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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