I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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