For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
