I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
