i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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