They should really pass out barf bags in church
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
