i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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