Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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